I think that moment when you wake up to the sun shining through your window in the morning is one of the most beautiful moments in life. Opening your eyes to that magical yellow light piercing through the glass and illuminating your room is magical in the most humdrum, ordinary way.
I remember you in that morning when I felt so low. I traced the creases of your shirt with my eyes and let myself drown in the sea of happiness that you seemed to be able to materialize out of nothing.
You and I came together like ink blots bleeding into one another.
I find it obscure that we can live this way, and how believing it would change never got me through the day.
Eventually when the fire went out, you stood up. I know you wish the fire had never started, but it did. You kicked the ashes to make sure it wouldn’t reignite, and walked away.
And I almost always feel alone. I have gotten used to it to some degree and I usually feel happier alone than when I am not. But sometimes the pain of loneliness supersedes the contentedness of lonesomeness and I have to use every ounce of sarcasm and coldness to pretend that everything is fine.
Some days are even more difficult. The world is unjust. Sometimes the answer is tears. Sometimes the answer is action. Sometimes the answer is asking a friend to sit with you in silence. Sometimes there is no right answer.
Nothing beats the feeling of knowing someone is perfect for you.
Because admit it or not, it’s hard to let go of something that really made an impact on your life; it’s hard to move forward when you carry regret, it’s hard to let go of the pain. But more than that, it’s harder to let go of those good times because you subconsciously know that you can never relive them.
But mostly I just like having people to talk to. It keeps me leveled and it keeps me focused. Sometimes it even makes me feel alive.