May 2013
11 posts
“Take a day to heal from the lies you’ve told yourself and the ones that have...”
– Maya Angelou
2 tags
Billet-Doux
If I had a week with her, I would spend every morning helping her make breakfast. We would have Egg’s Benedict’s and Blueberry muffins that would fill our home with the smell of, well, home. And we would read the newspapers, or our favorite magazines; and share our views on trending celebrities and random gossip, the weather, the frightening spike in gas prices, or the burgeoning costs...
[[MORE]]If I ever need motivation to go to gym, I just look in the mirror. It’s amazing how many things you can hate about yourself.
There are times when I miss her so much that everything in the world seems to be out of place. Does that make sense? Maybe it would be more polite of me to say that I miss her to the point that I don’t seem right for the world. I find myself always feeling sullen, as if the world has done something unfair towards me.
“I just want you to be happy. If that’s with me or with someone else or with...”
– John Green (via ryannxp)
5 tags
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I often wonder what is so wrong with me that I am unable to have anyone truly love me.
“Isn’t it funny? I’m enjoying my hatred so much more than I ever enjoyed love....”
– Janet Fitch, White Oleander
“I can see that the sadness has returned. And it’s not a beautiful sadness -...”
– David Levithan, Every Day (via perfect)
“There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn...”
– Laurell K. Hamilton
Reverting back to a phase of simplicity and structure.
April 2013
22 posts
“The problem is not the fact that she is gone now. The problem is that she will never come back.”
1 tag
I ripped you up, but you didn’t go away; because in my head, you somehow always stay.
“Do you ever think about all the people who you might have fallen in love with if...”
– Unknown (via stephanietorno)
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Some days I find it really hard to be happy. It terrifies me sometimes; knowing what kind of darkness I’m capable of putting myself into. You know, you go days without feeling that numbness, everything seems fine and dandy and such. And then you wake up one day, and everything’s not as fine as they were just a few hours before you went to bed. I try to tell myself it’s all in my head,...
So for now, I say goodbye to this chapter of my life. And I look forward to what comes next.
She could easily name a hundred things wrong with herself. But I couldn’t name one.
He told me that the best way to feel alive is to do something that brings you closer to death. Apparently, it jogs your brain into believing that the mere fact your heart still beats is a miracle. I guess that’s all fine and good in theory, but everything is different in practice.
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“It’s funny how our past frames us. How the person we used to be never lets loose of the person we are. Past failures and disappointments, even victories take hold of us. They haunt us like ghosts or visit us like old friends.”
“Sometimes my heart aches at how my life turned out, in a good way. It doesn’t mean there haven’t been hardships, there have been. But I’m here, and here is good.”
I’ve always been the kind of person who could get lost in a single sentence.
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Change yourself one small bit today so the person you are in ten years will seem like a stranger. Enjoy the little things. Catch your breath for a few minutes. Give them a hug when neither one of you are expecting it. And hold on to them just a little bit longer, because who knows, you may never get that chance again. Believe me, I would know.
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Perhaps I will always live in the past. It’s not healthy. But at least you are there with me.
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If I am broken, and you are broken, then together, will we be whole?
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I don’t get lonely, I like to be all by myself. Just… sometimes I’d like to be all by myself with someone else. Y’know?
3 tags
My dick is like Morgan Freeman’s voice; it can go deep and everybody likes it.
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You and the stars are so inconveniently out of reach.
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Around her, I would somehow lock down everything I felt for her with an armor of hilarious conversation. Making her laugh made me happy; happy enough to put off the difficult truth. What I felt for then, didn’t even compare to what I feel for her now.
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I’ve changed more than I’m willing to admit. I’ve lost far too many of my friends in this passage to better myself, and I’ve only gained a few, if I can even say that. I just feel so distant at times; most times when a friend wants to reconnect. And it’s not a distance from them, but a distance from myself. Said friend says she misses me or wants to grab a drink and...
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And as you turned away to leave, I stood my ground and watched your plane become another distant star in the evening sky.
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How I'll Love You
I want to undress you with my words and placate you with paragraphs; Put your heart in parentheses and perspective in quotations. I’ll love you with exclamation points and place the beauty of your body in italics.
After all this time, with several failed relationships under our belts, I can’t help but think that maybe we had found each other too early back then.
March 2013
17 posts
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I uncontrollably look for your car in every parking lot…
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I think that moment when you wake up to the sun shining through your window in the morning is one of the most beautiful moments in life. Opening your eyes to that magical yellow light piercing through the glass and illuminating your room is magical in the most humdrum, ordinary way.
3 tags
My tattoo’s all healed up. (:
“I am in that utterly shaken condition when a man neither speaks nor thinks but...”
– Friedrich Nietzsche, Selected Letters (via raikaxy)
I haven’t written much lately. I’ve learned that the more I stray from transposing letters and punctuation into lines of words; The less numb I find myself, and the less often I think of you.
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I remember you in that morning when I felt so low. I traced the creases of your shirt with my eyes and let myself drown in the sea of happiness that you seemed to be able to materialize out of nothing.
Someday I’ll come to terms with it, but that time isn’t now.
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You and I came together like ink blots bleeding into one another.
Now you’ve become this book I just can’t put down. The empty hurt I feel at the thought of not knowing the last page. Or how utterly lost I will surely be when it is done.
They say you recover from these things eventually, but I know I haven’t been right since.
T-Minus 9 days until I get my new tattoos (:
Music moves me. When music fails to calm the building discomforts inside of me, I do the next logical thing I know how to get a release, I write.
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I find it obscure that we can live this way, and how believing it would change never got me through the day.
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Eventually when the fire went out, you stood up. I know you wish the fire had never started, but it did. You kicked the ashes to make sure it wouldn’t reignite, and walked away.
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And I almost always feel alone. I have gotten used to it to some degree and I usually feel happier alone than when I am not. But sometimes the pain of loneliness supersedes the contentedness of lonesomeness and I have to use every ounce of sarcasm and coldness to pretend that everything is fine.
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Silence seems to be the easiest place to hide.
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Some days are even more difficult. The world is unjust. Sometimes the answer is tears. Sometimes the answer is action. Sometimes the answer is asking a friend to sit with you in silence. Sometimes there is no right answer.
